Blood on His Hands
by CCWaT
Summary: Takes place after 4x24 “Stalker”. What happened before and after with the team, Lil, and Scotty?  Character deaths.
1. What Happened?

Title: Blood on his hands

Fandom: Cold Case

Songfic, Two Character Death!!

Summary: Takes place after 4x24 "Stalker". What happened before and after with the team, Lil and Scotty?

**Chapter 1: What happened?**

"Mom?"

"Mr. Valens?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm so sorry, but… we lost her. It was too late. She lost too much blood. The bullet went through her lung and so it collapsed."

"No… no. That can't be true. She's strong. She said "Hey" to me. She…"

"I'm sorry. We did everything we could. We took the bullet out of her back. I'll give it to your boss. I think you'll need them."

"Yeah, sure."

To him, everything sounded far away. He couldn't believe that he'd come too late. She called to him twice her "Hey" but he couldn't save her.

_Do you ever feel like breaking down?  
Do you ever feel out of place?  
Like somehow you just don't belong  
And no one understands you  
Do you ever wanna run away?  
Do you lock yourself in your room?  
With the radio on turned up so loud  
That no one hears you screaming_

No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me

To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life

A few days later

"They've started an internal investigation. We all did the right things, we know that, but they want to know what happened before Ed shot Lil. I want to make for sure that everyone of you can come to me if you have questions. The best thing is if we all go home now and have a holiday. We need time to recover, okay?" Stillman said.

Everyone nodded. They stood up and opened the door. Seeing the interview room where Lil was shot hurt inside but nobody showed each other their feelings. As Scotty reached the door, Stillman called him back.

"Scotty, please close the door."

He did what Stillman said then he sat down in front of him.

"There is something you should know. The bullet they found in Lil's back…"

He paused then said the rest of his sentence.

"… was from your gun. I'm so sorry to say this, but… they'll ask you a lot of questions. I think first they'll take your badge and gun and then we'll see what happens next."

Scotty felt like he could die. He killed the woman he loved… his fiancé. No… it was as if he lost the ground under his feet.

_Do you wanna be somebody else?  
Are you sick of feeling so left out?  
Are you desperate to find something more?  
Before your life is over  
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?  
Are you sick of everyone around?  
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies  
While deep inside you're bleeding_

No you don't know what it's like  
When nothing feels all right  
You don't know what it's like  
To be like me

To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life

"Mr. Valens, would you please explain what happened before you went into the interview room?" the FBI Agent asked him.

"Yeah, sure. I'll start earlier that day, I think that's important. When Kat and I came back from an investigation we did on the case, I found out that Lilly didn't show up at work. So I visited her at home. She told me, her mother died the night before all alone and she thought it was her fault, because she was at work when it happened and her mom didn't call her cell, she called the office. We talked a little bit, then she wanted to be alone. I respected her wish, but before I left her, I said to her if she needed anything, she just should say "Hey" and I'll be there. That was something like a secret codeword for us. Then I left her. Later she came back to work. Kim arrived shortly afterwards at the office to talk about her case. We didn't know at that time that Ed had killed her family. I think he was afraid that we would find it out or that Kim would remember something. We didn't know at that time how he could take the gun into the building, but he had one when he took my colleagues as hostages. I think maybe he hid it in a place the detectors couldn't find it. After a while we had found out that everyone was hostages, we heard some gunshots. I couldn't wait and went inside. My boss Stillman was shot, but alive. Jeffries and Vera took care of him. They told me Lilly was in the interview room with Ed and Kim. A few minutes later she called my cell. She told me about the things Ed wanted from her. Then she said "Hey". And then again "Did you hear me? Hey". I knew she wanted me to come in. Vera and I talked about what we could do and after Kim went outside we decided to go in. Lil and Ed where in the room behind the interview room, so we couldn't see where they were. I had to shoot the window, then Ed. I also heard some other gunshots, then I saw Lil laying on the ground bleeding, but alive. That's all I know. She died at the hospital. I think maybe one of my bullets ricocheted against a wall and then flew into Lil…"

"Thank you very much Mr. Valens. We'll see what the investigation in the next few days will bring. Till we find out what really happened, you're suspended. I need your guns and your badge."

Scotty gave him what he wished, and then he went home.

_No one ever lied straight to your face  
And no one ever stabbed you in the back  
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay  
Everybody always gave you what you wanted  
You never had to work it was always there  
You don't know what it's like, what it's like_

To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt  
To feel lost  
To be left out in the dark  
To be kicked when you're down  
To feel like you've been pushed around  
To be on the edge of breaking down  
And no one's there to save you  
No you don't know what it's like  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life  
Welcome to my life

**A/N: Song is by Simple Plan "Welcome to my life". The finale was so exciting. Sorry that I didn't post this earlier, but I had to learn for my final exams. They are now over. Just to say, this will be very sad. Two character death (one is already). It's not very long but I don't know how fast I can post. Thanks to my Beta Reader :). I haven't watched almost the complete 4****th**** Season but I'll do it now in my holidays and maybe I'll change then anything in the following chapters. Please review, thanks.**


	2. The Funeral

**Chapter 2: The Funeral**

Everyone from the office went to Lilly's funeral. She was buried beside her mother. While the Holy Father said his speech, in the background was played "Let it be" by The Beatles. Most of the people cried.

After the funeral Stillman, Kat, Scotty, Jeffries and Vera went to her house. They had to clean her home and try to decide what to do with her stuff. Scotty said he would take her three cats. A few hours later everything was done.

_In my hands  
A legacy of memories  
I can hear you say my name  
I can almost see your smile  
Feel the warmth of your embrace  
But there is nothing but silence now  
Around the one I loved  
Is this our farewell?  
_

Back at home, Scotty couldn't stop crying. He lost the love of his life. But the thing which he couldn't forget most was that he had killed her. Why?

He had no one to talk to, and now all her things were around. He said to Stillman he would throw her clothes away but he didn't want to lose the smell. It was all he had.

He remembered the years they had together, the things they did. They had their ups and downs. And now everything was over.

He hadn't heard from the FBI Agent yet, but he also didn't know what he'd have to say. The guilt he had to live with was much worse. No one knew that he had a gun at home. When Elisa died, he thought for the first time about killing himself. And now he thought it would be the only way out…

_Never thought  
This day would come so soon  
We had no time to say goodbye  
How can the world just carry on?  
I feel so lost when you are not at my side  
But there is nothing but silence now  
Around the one I loved  
Is this our farewell?_

Meanwhile, the others thought about what they could have been done to save Lilly.

Kat was alone at home with her little daughter who seemed like she knew something. She hadn't talked to her about what happened because she wanted to protect her from the bad things in life.

She remembered how often her daughter visited her at work and how Lilly and Veronica talked together or drew some pictures. And now Lil was dead. She didn't know how Veronica would react when she knew what really happened. They watched together TV and her daughter was sleeping. Maybe she should go to bed too. She needed some sleep. Forget at night what happened… except she would again have these nightmares…

Stillman couldn't believe yet what happened. He was shot too, but still alive. That was not fair. He would prefer to be dead instead of alive… of course he had a daughter and a grandson and Lil was alone… but he was her boss. It was his task to protect her. He wished he had done more to go with Ed in the room instead of Lil.

The look in her eyes when she closed the door. He would never forget that.

At the same time, Will lay in his bed, awake. It was the first time that he had lost one of his colleagues who was so close to him. Every time when he closed his eyes he could see Lilly, laying there, bleeding and hearing her saying "he got me". Why didn't he decide to go earlier in the Observation? Maybe they could have saved her. Lilly was so strong. The thing with George ended – for her – well and even the thing with Joseph didn't break her down. He knew the only reason she went inside with Ed and Kim was to save Kim. Only one victory she had done…

Jeffries meanwhile couldn't forget that he heard her screaming outside "You wanna shoot me? You wanna shoot me? Shoot me now. Then do it already. Shoot me. Do it now". Maybe Ed felt provoked by it? He knew Lilly just wanted to be saved and to say to Scotty and Will that they have to come in but it was just… he couldn't forget it. This year was not good. First Toni left him and now Lil was dead. He would never forget her beautiful smile.

**The next day**

Stillman's Office

"The reason I called you all into my office is that I have to tell you the news about the investigation. I didn't say it earlier because it's not very good. They found out that…. Scotty shot Lilly. It was his bullet in her back. That's also the reason he isn't here today. He was the first one to shost and the bullet which broke the window ricocheted off the wall and killed Lilly. I'm so sorry to say that but you have to know it. Please don't condemn Scotty for this; it was just a stupid accident. He needs our help. It's not easy for him. Two years ago Elisa and now this. Any more questions?"

Everyone sat there, shocked. To lose Lilly was one thing, but to know one of their team was the one who has to live with the guilt was another. They nodded, Kat even cried. This was too much for all of them.

tbc.

**A/N: Song is by Within Temptation "Our Farewell". I know this chapter is not very good and maybe a little bit confusing but it was all I have to write here. Only one more chapter left. Just to warn you it will end very sad! One more character has to die. I have holidays right now and it's very boring. Thanks for the reviews. Would be great to get more reviews ;-).**

**Oh and to "Hip Hop and Ya Don't Stop": It was my first thought when I watched the episode. I know it would be never possible that this happened but I want to write this… I love drama fics ;) Thanks for the feedback. I think she'll have to deal with that she provoked Ed… we'll see.**

**Thanks also to my Beta Reader!**


	3. The Guilt is Too Big

**Chapter 3: The guilt is too big**

A few weeks later, Scotty got a call from the FBI Agent. He was on a walk outside and had totally forgotten to go to the appointment in the office. He didn't want to see that building - that room - ever again. He wished he could travel back to that day. That he had persuaded her when he visited her at home that she needed some time off. To leave Philly maybe… or go to his flat. What if he had gone into the building sooner? Before Lil went with Ed into Observation? Or what if the shot from the SWAT had been perfect and Ed would be dead before everything started?

He decided to stop at a Bar, just to have a drink. Then, maybe, it would be easier to hear what they had to say. He knew the whole team would be there…

Two hours later Scotty arrived at Homicide. He still could see some flashbacks… the SWAT Team outside when Kat and he arrived and then the shot. Glass broke, then another shot. The one that almost killed Stillman. But only almost… he was alive… he was not the one who had to live with the guilt. Yesterday he had visited her grave, beside her mother. He took some fresh flowers with him. After awhile he had gone.

Stillman's Office

"Scotty. Nice to see you. How are you? I know it's not easy to come here again but the investigation is over now. Please sit down," the FBI Agent said.

Scotty did what he told him to. Stillman was sitting behind him, his face said it all. The others were outside, working on a new case they had. It seemed like they had forgotten what happened. When he walked in, they just said "hey", nothing more. No "how are you" or "can we do anything for you?". He wanted to know what they thought… Stillman had called him after he had talked to the team. He thought it would be better if he had asked him before but he couldn't change it. Stillman was the boss.

"Okay, I'm ready now. Please start."

"Okay… after our intensive investigation we found it's true, you're the one who killed Lillian Rush. The first bullet you fired to destroy the window ricocheted on the wall straight over and flew into Ms. Rush's chest. The other one from you flew in the back of Ed, the bullet from Will killed him. I think it's possible that she said "he got me" because she thought Ed was the one who shot her. He fired two bullets after you shot the window but both went into the floor. We think she didn't look at him, she looked in the direction she heard the first shots. I'm so sorry, but you have to visit our psychologist 3 times a week 'till he thinks you're recovered. I know about the thing with Elisa, and we're not sure what this will bring back. And you're suspended for 3 more months. That's all I have to say. You can have a copy of our report if you want. I have to go right now, another appointment, but I wish you a good day."

With these words he left, and Scotty sat there. He couldn't believe that this could be said so easy. Lil was dead and the only thing was to suspend him and to say sorry. Before Stillman could say anything, Scotty stood up and left Homicide. He didn't want to hear what the others had to say. This had to have an end.

_Remember the times together we swore: Never give up this life.  
Still hanging on, still going strong, here I belong.  
And maybe I'm crazy but I just can't slow down.  
And maybe I'm crazy but at least I'm still around.  
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! yeah!__ yeah!_**  
**

He stands at her grave, and he knows it's the last time. To say his goodbye… maybe to see her in heaven again.

"Lil, please don't punish me for the thing I'm going to do now. But it's the only way out. I can't live with the guilt, to know I've killed you. And maybe I'll see you in heaven..."

When Scotty arrived home, he went to his bedroom, just to cry one last time. Then he wrote a letter to the others.

_I'm so sorry to chose this way, but no one of you know how it feels to know you killed the love of your life. After Elisa__'s death I had, for the first time, the thought to kill myself but I lived on… just because Lil was there for me… to help me over it. But now she's gone. And I want to leave. Sorry. The best thing is to forget me… that day and everything I did._

_Scotty Valens_

_Philadelphia, July 6__th__, 2007_

Then he took his gun, and no one heard the shot that killed Scotty.

_Still feels like the first time  
to stand here by your side.  
Together regardless  
we'll walk through the darkness.  
Still feels like the first day of my life.  
_

Only ten minutes later, Stillman arrived at Scotty's home. The door was unlocked so he went in. He knew something was wrong in there; then he found the letter in the kitchen. It was too late.

He stepped into the bedroom to see Scotty laying there. Blood was all over the pillow. The gun still lay in Scotty's hand. He had committed suicide. Stillman called the others, then he went out of the apartment. He couldn't see this any longer. This stupid hostage situation had destroyed his whole team.

Two days later

The medical examiner had probated what the letter said, that Scotty committed suicide. So the funeral was shortly afterwards, and he was buried near Lilly's grave, beside Elisa. The whole team decided to take 4 weeks off, just to recover and try to find a solution as to what to do next.

After the funeral they all went to First Thursdays. Most of the Detectives had heard about the drama that happened in Homicide.

Just to remember that, and for everyone to see, they pinned a private photo of Lil and Scotty on the wall for the dead detectives. The good memories would be never forgotten.

The end

**A/N:**** Song is by The Rasmus. I think it's "First day of my life" (I'm not sure). It's over now. I think this story is too sad to write more about it. And I'm not sure if Scotty would really kill himself if that happened on the show what I wrote… but dunno… I think it's just possible. We'll see what the first episode of Season 5 will bring. Some spoilers are already out. Title is "Thrill Kill" and it will be a 1994 case. Nothing more to say. Thanks for who reviewed and/or read my story. **

**And thank you very much to my Beta Reader!**


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